It was a rough day, and I didn’t know why it was rough. It is just it is. Just my mood swings as usual, I guess. So I was thinking to stop by at st. Joseph church at bukit timah after work, do a quick prayer at the 14 ways of the cross on the way home.
That was my first intention.
But when I alighted at the bus stop across the church, I saw this sweet girl wandering around the bus stop, meowing at nothing. Seemed like she was lost, scared by many cars passing by and loud noises from the traffic. So I decided to pick her up and bring her with me to the church.
I immediately felt so relate to this sweet girl. I named her noni-chan. ‘Noni’, as that is how my mom used to call me at home. And this beautiful kitten, so young, so alone, so scared, so lost, yet so brave. She reminds me of myself. I’m a young lady too, so alone in this strange country, felt so scared if I would survive here, and so lost as it very difficult for me to find a place to fit in. But maybe I am brave too. But that is not because I am such a superwoman who can conquer the world by myself, but mostly because I have no choice but to be brave.
Carrying noni in my arm crossing a very busy street to the church, reminds me how I am also scared, I don’t know why God carry me in His arm, crossing a scary places, I might be clawed too hard trying to grab Him tight and hope He didn’t drop me. But yet I can feel His gentle arm always protect me. He probably just want me to be calm and trust him, and He will bring me to a safer place.
When I finally put noni in a grassy yard at the church, I could see her very happy playing around with the wild bushes. She is now away from the noisy traffic, the scary part. But here too, too dark and no one was there. Like I know how God always put me in a safer place after the scary part, but I always find myself alone. I know how even noni distracted by bugs and critters at the grass, but she didn’t want to be away from me. She followed me around. Like I followed God, even though I got distracted many times by many things, but I still hope God would never ever leave me.
And when I tried to lead noni to brighter place with more lighting and away from the dark, even when noni didn’t want me to be away from her, but she was also unsure to follow me either. I always want God to be around me, but even when He lead me to a brighter place I am not sure if I should follow Him. And if I slowly hesitated to follow Him, trying hard to trust Him, was it the correct way?
It was almost an hour with noni in the church’ backyard and failed calling SPCA many times. It was getting late and I needed to go back home. Finally SPCA picked up my call. But it was a bad news because SPCA couldn’t rescue her as they were already busy with more urgent cases. They suggested me to leave her in a quiet place, as noni already a grown up, she can take care of herself and there will be volunteers feeding the stray animals at night.
It was a tough choice. I didn’t want to leave noni alone. I don’t want myself to be left alone! But since pets are not allowed in my condo, and my ex-colleague also couldn’t adopt her, so I had no choice but to leave her in this church. I decided to pick her up once again, whispered in her ear that she will be alright tonight, and brought her to kindergarten’s yard, with hope tomorrow there will be kids found her and bring her home.
So today I have been saved by a kitten! I know I will survive tonight. And tomorrow there will be new hopes for me too. Even though I can’t see God with my eyes, but I know He always remember me.