#MoralStory: A testimony of confidence in God

On a dreary Sunday in January 2006, I trudged through the trees repeatedly crying out, “God, what am I going to do? What am I going to do?” My heart was broken after the recent loss of my brother. Inside, I felt inconsolable. I was going through the motions of normal life for the sake of my husband who was similarly grieving for the only brother he had ever had.

At the time, I never stopped to think what I meant by that question. I needed to vent. I wasn’t mad at God; I just didn’t know how I was going to survive without Bud.

An hour later, feeling drained but comforted, I composed myself and went back inside.  I never expected an answer.  After all, I had never really considered the words I was saying.

But God knows our hearts.  He knows all we need.  He has a plan.  The next morning, I awakened refreshed and renewed — almost light-hearted for the first time in weeks.  Immediately a thought flooded my mind: “Go back to school.  Renew your teaching certificate.  Teach online.”

I felt stunned.  Where did that come from?  My husband and I were actively farming and had a home-based real estate appraisal business.  Gary was a licensed appraiser; I typed the reports.  I hadn’t taught English in a school system for 30 years!  Since I had never wanted to teach again, I had purposely let my teaching certificate expire.  What was this all about?

As I pondered what seemed like the strangest of plans, I remembered my walk through the woods the previous day.  I remembered my repeated plea, “God, what am I going to do?”  Here was his amazingly clear answer, surely not what I was looking for, but what he wanted me to do next.

I raced downstairs to share this idea — this directive — with my husband.  We had been self-employed for decades and, although Gary loved farming, he was admittedly fed up with appraisal work.  He thought it was a great idea!

Obviously not mine!!

And so at age 57, I began an online course of studies, renewed my teaching certificate, and applied for an online teaching position.  During the first interview I’d had in decades, I felt so calm and confident.  After all, I had insider information!

Not surprisingly, I was hired.

We dissolved our appraisal business so Gary could devote himself full time to farming, and through God’s grace and direction, we were well positioned for the soon-to-follow real estate crash.

What a humbling lesson this was for me!  The God of the Universe heard my cries, lovingly wrapped me in his arms, and carried me to a different path.

By: Carolyn Liff

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